All About Couples Role-Play

Welcome to the REVIIVE blog. We're really happy you're here, and hope this article helps to educate you about role-play and encourages you to give it a try with your partner. 

In this article, we'll answer the questions:

- What is couples role-play?
- Why should couples role-play?
- Who is role-play for?
- How should couples try role-play? 
- When is a good time to role-play?

So it's going to be a bit dense and all-encompassing. 

 

Who's this article for?

If you're an experienced bedroom role-player with a roster of well-made characters, costumes in the closet, and a good grasp on how to play - this article might be a bit basic for you.

However, if you're newer to role-play or simply curious about how to get started on the right foot - this article is for you.

 

 

A disclaimer before we start:

Consent is vital. Anything suggested in this article, or any REVIIVE content, is just that - a suggestion. Every person's triggers, traumas, likes, dislikes, and boundaries are different. Make sure to discuss and know your partner's boundaries before engaging in any type of role-play. For more resources on how to make discussions about consent and boundaries more enjoyable, visit our Safety, Boundaries, and Consent blog section.

 

What is Couples Role-Play?

In couples role-play, participants take on the role of another character, playing our immersive scenarios together, generally with some sort of sexual undertones or end goal. Role-play is healthy, and is a tool that can be used to examine intimate concepts like trust, honesty, and the fundamentals of your own sexuality. Depending on your resource constraints and preferences, some role-play may use costumes, unique themed place settings, or special props. 

(Want to know how to put together your own role-play costumes, no matter the budget? We've got an article for you here.)

Role-play is for every couple, every gender, and every sexual identity. All you need is a willingness to be vulnerable as you develop a character and engage as that character in the scenario you and your partner are playing out. 

 

Why Should Couples Role-Play?

All relationships are different, changing as partners move through various life stages together and evolve as individuals. In that way, a couples' sex life will change as well - sometimes for the better, and sometimes in a way that may cause stress and frustration. No matter where you are on that journey, role-play can help improve your love life and relationship. 

How?

 

Role-play creates a safer space to be curious and expressive. It’s normal to be sexually curious and seek a way to express one’s sexuality. We're also immersed in a culture with, at best, conflicting views about your pleasure and exploration. You or your partner may want to try new things, but may have trouble expressing that to each other in a 'normal' context. When you're playing a character, it's sometimes easier to express your desires in a clearer way.

Role-play can deepen trust and understanding. When you engage in role-play, especially more immersive role-play scenarios, the experience should give new insights into your partner's desires and preferences. Role-play done well isn't about just doing something, but asking more questions in order to go deeper in the experience. In that way, you can build trust as you're learning - we all like to feel heard and understood.

Role-play is a feel-good bonding experience. While you might not tell the story of your role-play experience as freely as you tell the story of when you and your partner got lost on vacation, the same principle applies. It's a shared, novel experience with someone you love, creating a common bond. Bonding with your partner releases a peptide hormone called oxytocin which improves mood and overall feelings of connectedness. So even if you end up breaking character and laughing (remember: with each other, never at each other), there are benefits to your relationship.

Role-play can generate a spark and reset your sex life. Monogamy, without a strategy in place to keep things fresh, can become monotonous. In fact, that's what most players are trying to solve with role-play - breaking up the monotony in a relationship with the person they love, trying to create a spark. 

 

Who is Role-Play For?

Everyone. We could really drone on in this section, but: as long as you feel safe and you're willing to put yourself out there and have fun with your partner, role-play is for you. 

Everyone can benefit from communicating better, expressing their desires, and exploring together. It's that simple. Role-play is for you and your partner. 

 

How Should Couples Try Role-Play?

Reviive's first iteration, Naughty Nights, was born out of realizing how hard it probably was for couples to get into role-play for the first time. There were essentially two ways to approach a scenario as a new player: to buy some costumes and hope for the best, or to buy a 'game' - which have historically just been lists of instructions. 

Neither of those approaches are very good at helping couples with their end goal of communicating, exploring, and growing. They're just instructions or costumes. 

Our advice, based on our time spent researching, developing, and hearing from players is: 

• Set a date and time in advance. Even if you'll play across multiple sessions. It's harder to stay in character when you're fumbling with your phones (why does this prisoner at the sex jail have a phone?) and attempting to figure out availabilities (shouldn't the prisoner ALWAYS be available?) See the next section for more info on this.
  
  
• Make sure you have a safe word if you'll be attempting anything new, boundary-pushing, or potentially triggering to trauma. Remember that everyone has their own stuff - emotional baggage and history - and something that may seem innocent for your character could harm the other player. Your best bet is to plan a safe, clear exit strategy via safe word. If the safe word is called, stop immediately and switch to empathy mode. 
  
  
• Decide on the scenario, and maybe some sort of objective or script. Something to keep the adventure moving ahead. Why does the doctor need to examine you? What does the ACME executive really want from the Coyote in exchange for discounts on anvils?
  
  
• Costume it up, based on the scenario. It's easier to stay in the moment when you're dressed as someone who you aren't in day-to-day life. If you're playing the role of nurse, get some scrubs. If your character is an anvil salesperson trying to take advantage of a cartoon coyote, get one of those old-timey cigars and a pinstripe suit.

 

When is a Good Time to Role-Play?

Whenever your children are asleep. 

All jokes aside, there are a few factors that will impact your role-play experience and should be taken into account. 

The idea time for a role-play experience will be:

• At a time when both players can devote their full attention to the experience. If you're constantly eyeing the door because a package is coming, or you have to check your work emails, it's just not going to feel like a safe space for the other person to play a different character or buy in. It's also rude. Put your phone away, Dan. 
  
  
• At the appropriate time of the cycle of any player who gets a period. Some players may not want to role-play on their periods or during specific phases of their cycle. So factor that in as best you can. 
  
  
• At a time when both players have energy - it doesn't feel very good to give it your all and play with passion while your partner struggles to keep their eyes open. So make sure you pick a time when you would expect to have a normal or high amount of energy - together. 
  
  
• When your children are asleep, if you have children. Because if they see dad dressed up as Wil. E Coyote, they're going to both have a lot of questions and also want a costume of their own. An unnecessary expense that could be put towards any number of great Reviive products.

 

Conclusion:

Role-play is for everyone. You should role-play. 

We hope you enjoy connecting, learning, and growing together with your partner. If you need help with this, check out our game, Uncover Me. 

Remember to put safety first, and that laughter is normal - just laugh together at the situation, not at the other person for trying.